Emotional Security in Relationships (Is that Faith??)

There are many factors that are important in relationship apart from love. Some like smart, some like beauty, some look for tall, some look for sexy, some look for rich, some look for honesty. No matter how much qualities you set in your mind to imagine your other half will be, there is always one thing that you as individual can’t live without in relationship. That one thing will not be the same for everyone.

If someone ask me what is your that one factor thing out of your whole list, then I will say “my Emotional Security”.


Normally, people confused the word “Faithful” with “Emotional Security”. In fact, “Faith” is just one of the key components that can build up “Emotional Security”. I thought I was the only one who understands it until I found someone else (don’t want to mention who). Then, I started to realise as long as you can treat someone as your one and only, this one will come along.

But to clarify it in details, “Emotional Security” in my meaning composed of “Faith, Behave, Generous and above all Special”.

Faith – simple logic of “what mine is mine and what yours is yours!” No need to explain much.

Behave – This one needs a little bit more in details:

No matter how beautiful or handsome you are, there always is someone who seems to be better for a second.

I have been living in a single life for 20-years before I got into relationship. When I was single, I found many guys who has a girlfriend with them beside but trying to sneak a peak sometimes even if I knew their girlfriend. Of course, I can distinguish the normal look and the flirtatious look and I believe many people can. Normally, that girl will feel really great because it somehow indicates the logic: “I am better than your girlfriend, am I??”. For me, I always feel angry to those boys and perhaps it’s also the reason behind my fear of relationship as well when I was young.

But when I get older, I realise, looking the beautiful piece of art is not a sin and it’s not like he is not faithful, Many people do it although I don’t (well I do socialise with people but I always try my best to behave my eyes) :P. I came to realise that’s the natural process. So, I let the other person to look what he wanted to look without interfering although I knew every time they tried (pls, I have been in the position of other girl long enough).

At one time, to one person, I presented a hypothesis. “Look, I am telling you this not because I am too jealous, but I don’t really want to look like I am not as good as that one. So, if you want to give a peak fine. Just help me by pretending I am not your girlfriend as long as she is around here! That would help me save my face at least! Well, if you think I at least deserve it. Same thing with chatting. I never check your Facebook or chat box but make sure your girl-friend who you flirting with is not in my friend list. :)”. You know what, from that time on, that one behave like I have never expected from a man, until we broke up. Well, at least I appreciate the value that he gave me that time.

So, “behave” basically means you behave not because you’re afraid of your girlfriend. You “behave” either because you can’t give attention to any other girls when your loved one is with you (which might not be easy to find one) or you value your girlfriend and don’t want her to feel unsafe or feel lesser than any girls.

Behaving is sometimes relating to maturity as well. There always are a lot of differences between dating a boy and a man.

One of them could be seeking attention.

It’s actually a part of nature that:
A girl wants attention from the boys.
A boy wants attention from the girls.

A woman wants her man’s attention.
A man wants his woman’s attention.

I have seen those men who can behave with or without their girlfriend bcoz they are too old to long for others’ attention and they are just busy doing their own thing even if they are playing games. They prefer to have their own things going on most of time than seeking other girls’ attention.

I have seen those who behave like cats in front of their girls and went wild if they are not around and in worst case, they may even seek for attention with a sneak peak to other girl by sitting next to his gf.

I think it has to do with their maturity state.

So, if you want to see whether your man is already mature or not, this could be one of the measurements. Trying very hard to behave or the behave comes naturally depends on their maturity.

In fact, maturity doesn’t go with age. Two males with the same age but one can be a boy and the other can be a man.

Generous – Don’t get me wrong!! I don’t mean to say I like generous. I don’t like generous prince charming. Generous here means being generous to your girlfriend. I have seen a lot of generous princes charming who are generous to everyone. Let say, you have a boyfriend who always opens the door when you got out from car. But he is doing that to his best girl-friends as well. Well, if this is the case, I will say “no thanks, I just want to be your best girl-friend rather than girlfriend”. Friendship is a lot easier to maintain longer term than a relationship so what is the point of trying for a hard one which is relationship while you can get the same opportunity for being just a friend. That’s why many girls like gang stars because they probably might not good even care about girls but at least treat better to their girls. I have seen those gentlemen who just look too generous to every women by worrying this worrying that. I would go for a bad one than a gentleman if this is the case. I prefer to have a clear cut line between my guy friends and my boyfriend which I consider as a part of emotional security.

Special – Treating as one and only. This comes with love of course. I have seen those people who can do above factors easily and automatically like they don’t even have to try.

EMOJOn contrast, sometimes we came to a point where we start to love the other very dearly, stop caring about what we need in relationship. However, even if we are in that deep in love, we might not be expecting it as long-term as long as your one significant need couldn’t be fulfilled. That’s where you can become someone who is in love without expectation. Good thing about being that person is “you can stop if you want”.


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