Have you ever come across the Two-Factor theory in your academic. The two-factor theory is developed by Herzberg in 1959 and is widely used in management field and psychological field. According to the theory, whatever you do to please another person, it can be “motivators” or just “hygiene factors”. “Hygiene Factors” are those essentials but not regarded as motivators. If you are a boss and you want your employees to have motivation to work, you have to make sure you give them motivators and not just hygiene factors. Please see the diagram below for more understanding:
So here, what should be really aware is that STAGE _1 Dissatisfaction is not the same as STAGE_2 No Dissatisfaction. Stage 1 is normally the worst stage that you can imagine but by giving hygiene factor one cannot be at the level for satisfactory but you can prevent Stage 1 from happening which I will call Stage-2 no dissatisfaction. Motivators only can give you the word “satisfaction” which here I will call STAGE_4 but there is one stage in between which is STAGE _3 NO Satisfaction. Let’s say, as an employee, you expect to be paid regularly and correctly. This is hygiene factor. Doing so, the employee will have no dissatisfaction but that alone will not give you a motivated salesman. So, let’s say you give annual bonus, so you started a motivator and based on that you might prevent the situation of “no satisfaction” but there is no grantees that they will be satisfied. Satisfaction really depends on individual.
Well, I am not writing this to tell you some theory that you might already know. I am explaining this as a reminder to what I am going to write in here.
Guys normally have problems dealing with a girl’s expectations meaning to say guys normally complaint girls as complicated. Well, there were some kind of girls who they thought as “COOL Girl” but most of the time, their own girlfriend tends to be “uncool” even if other people think she is.
Well, I do agree there are different types of girls with different levels of expectation. Most of the complaints such as “I can’t understand her. I am doing nothing wrong” or “I do trust her but she don’t trust me”, etc., that I heard from my guy friends are mostly because they might not understand the two-factor theory in their girl. Most of the time, I see guys sitting in the safe zone of “they are doing nothing wrong”, which ultimately is the hygiene factors for most relationship. Well, these are important to keep the relationship but in order to have a healthy one, “motivation and feeling secure” is the most important thing for a girl (well like me). If you are serious about your relationship and wanted to treat her special, you need to think of motivators, going out from your safe zone. For example: “Not having affairs with any other girls but your girlfriend”, could be hygiene factor which will give “not dissatisfaction” level but this doesn’t mean that she is satisfied. She will never be able to feel secure unless you satisfied her.
However, it doesn’t mean all girls have same expectation. Different girl might have different level of satisfaction. Some of the girls might satisfy for certain motivators but for some they are just the level of “no satisfaction”. Most of the guys (I said most, not all) wants a girl with the character. If you are thinking of serious relationship, you want someone who you can settle down. The question is are you ready to go beyond “not satisfied” to “satisfactory level” of a girl who you can be serious. When I say “a girl who you can be serious”, you might complaint all girls are equally complicated. Don’t complaint me, I know you guys know the type who you can be in serious relationship. Please do expect they do have higher level of expectation than others who you would normally call “cool girl”.
Let me give you an example for more understanding:
Let’s say there is a boy called Adam and a girl called Juliet who are a couple.
And there is another couple a boy called Eden and a girl called Angie.
Juliet, Eden and Angie were let’s say co-workers before. So, the couple happens to know each other although they didn’t really go out that much and not really close.
One day, Angie happens to be in another town. Eden tells Angie that he will be having a drink with Juliet and her boyfriend. In the evening, Eden, Juliet and Adam go to a bar for a drink then fell into a very deep conversation where Eden happens to ignore Angie’s calls and both Adam and Juliet knows it. I will stop my story here for a while. You know what Angie will do to check Eden. What would she do?? Of course, calling one of the other two. So who you think she will call?? Adam or Juliet?? Both of their phones are available.
Put aside your answer. The story here said, Angie send message to Adam saying Eden is an asshole, not picking up her call and ask Adam for help. Despite of the fact that his boyfriend himself ignoring Angie, Adam started to text her. Very simple conversation as follows:
ANGIE” Hey Adam, Is Eden with you?? That asshole is ignoring me!
ADAM” Yeah! we are in serious conversation. We are talking about _____.
ANGIE” Okie! you know he always ignore me like that blah blah blah…..
ADAM” He means no harm. Just talking. Doing nothing.
_________ Going on
Then, when they got back, Juliet found out about their text conversation and she started to complaint that Adam shouldn’t have that conversation and instead should have informed Eden about Angie’s concerns. However, Adam argues that they were just having a normal conversation that Juliet can read through. He said he doesn’t care. Juliet stop engaging further conversation.
In this example, do you think Adam is trying for motivator or hygiene factor for Juliet. Which stage you think Juliet will be??
STAGE_2 No Dissatisfaction
STAGE_3 No Satisfaction or
Don’t answer just yet. Which stage is depending on what type of girl she is?? You need to know more about her. Let this one be case one and let me take back to the start and see what she will behave if she is in Adam’s role in case two.
Let’s say Adam, Eden and Angie were co-workers before so they happen to know with Juliet who is Adam’s girlfriend. They are not so close though.
One day, Eden happens to be out-of-town. Adam and Juliet took Angie to the bar and they started to be in a deep conversation that Angie started missing out Eden’s calls. Then Eden started to text Juliet instead of Adam who was a boy as well as his co-worker before.
Eden to Juliet: Hi Juliet! Is Angie with you? That bitch is not answering my calls.
Juliet: (LOOK at her phone, turn to Angie) and say
Juliet to Angie: Hey Angie, here, Eden has just texted me. Oh gosh! you should call him immediately. I think he is worried sick.
Angie to Juliet: Oh yeah! wait, I will call him back.
Juliet to Eden: Hey Eden, just talked with Angie. She’s gonna call you back soon. Don’t worry, we are just being in serious conversation. She is safe with us.
____ End of conversation ____
So, you might want to go back and read case one to compare case two. Now, you might see a bit about what kind of girl Juliet is. One sentence to Eden and done. So, she is a different type from Angie “cool girl” that you might say. She will surely call Angie instead of Eden if she is in reverse case one if she is the one out-of-town.
Now, you can started to answer my question. Which stage Juliet will be in the first case?? If you ask me, Adam stays in his safe zone of “I did nothing wrong” which is just a hygiene factor which will stop at “no dissatisfaction” Stage-2 or could be “no satisfaction” Stage-3. If your girlfriend is like Angie who text to a boy instead of a girl, then she might probably be able to understand you and went to the level of satisfaction if you are texting nothing wrong. For Juliet, she would prefer you told to Eden about it than keep giving attention to a woman who texted her boyfriend instead of her and is even abandoned by her own boyfriend.
So, my advice here is “Know your Girl”. “Know her Expectations” because different ones have different level of hardship to be satisfied.
“Get off your safe zone of I am doing nothing wrong” and “put yourselves up for challenges to meet your girl’s satisfactory level”.
Why I am telling you “Know your girl” is because most of the guys have ex-guilt attention. Let’s say you broke up with a girl for not answering her calls for weeks. Then three months later, you dated a girl and you carefully trying to answer her calls but she compliant that she was always the one to call and not him. Well, certain thing can be motivator for one girl but happen to be just hygiene factor for the other. So, guys, rather than giving her the “ex-guilt attention”, trying to know her and see what will be her expectations even before you date her. If you think you can’t handle, just don’t go because being with the wrong guy is worse than being alone.
Before you try to date a serious one, ask yourselves “Do I have what it takes to be with her?”.