Herzberg’s Two-Factor Theory and Relationships

Have you ever come across the Two-Factor theory in your academic. The two-factor theory is developed by Herzberg in 1959 and is widely used in management field and psychological field. According to the theory, whatever you do to please another person, it can be “motivators” or just “hygiene factors”. “Hygiene Factors” are those essentials but not regarded as motivators. If you are a boss and you want your employees to have motivation to work, you have to make sure you give them motivators and not just hygiene factors. Please see the diagram below for more understanding:

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So here, what should be really aware is that STAGE _1 Dissatisfaction is not the same as STAGE_2 No Dissatisfaction. Stage 1 is normally the worst stage that you can imagine but by giving hygiene factor one cannot be at the level for satisfactory but you can prevent Stage 1 from happening which I will call Stage-2 no dissatisfaction. Motivators only can give you the word “satisfaction” which here I will call STAGE_4 but there is one stage in between which is STAGE _3 NO Satisfaction. Let’s say, as an employee, you expect to be paid regularly and correctly. This is hygiene factor. Doing so, the employee will have no dissatisfaction but that alone will not give you a motivated salesman. So, let’s say you give annual bonus, so you started a motivator and based on that you might prevent the situation of “no satisfaction” but there is no grantees that they will be satisfied. Satisfaction really depends on individual.

Well, I am not writing this to tell you some theory that you might already know. I am explaining this as a reminder to what I am going to write in here.

Guys normally have problems dealing with a girl’s expectations meaning to say guys normally complaint girls as complicated. Well, there were some kind of girls who they thought as “COOL Girl” but most of the time, their own girlfriend tends to be “uncool” even if other people think she is.

Well, I do agree there are different types of girls with different levels of expectation. Most of the complaints such as “I can’t understand her. I am doing nothing wrong” or “I do trust her but she don’t trust me”, etc., that I heard from my guy friends are mostly because they might not understand the two-factor theory in their girl. Most of the time, I see guys sitting in the safe zone of “they are doing nothing wrong”, which ultimately is the hygiene factors for most relationship. Well, these are important to keep the relationship but in order to have a healthy one, “motivation and feeling secure” is the most important thing for a girl (well like me). If you are serious about your relationship and wanted to treat her special, you need to think of motivators, going out from your safe zone. For example: “Not having affairs with any other girls but your girlfriend”, could be hygiene factor which will give “not dissatisfaction” level but this doesn’t mean that she is satisfied. She will never be able to feel secure unless you satisfied her.

However, it doesn’t mean all girls have same expectation. Different girl might have different level of satisfaction. Some of the girls might satisfy for certain motivators but for some they are just the level of “no satisfaction”. Most of the guys (I said most, not all) wants a girl with the character. If you are thinking of serious relationship, you want someone who you can settle down. The question is are you ready to go beyond “not satisfied” to “satisfactory level” of a girl who you can be serious. When I say “a girl who you can be serious”, you might complaint all girls are equally complicated. Don’t complaint me, I know you guys know the type who you can be in serious relationship. Please do expect they do have higher level of expectation than others who you would normally call “cool girl”.

Let me give you an example for more understanding:

Let’s say there is a boy called Adam and a girl called Juliet who are a couple.

And there is another couple a boy called EdenScreen Shot 2016-04-29 at 3.09.58 pm.png and a girl called Angie.

Juliet, Eden and Angie were let’s say co-workers before. So, the couple happens to know each other although they didn’t really go out that much and not really close.

One day, Angie happens to be in another town. Eden tells Angie that he will be having a drink with Juliet and her boyfriend. In the evening, Eden, Juliet and Adam go to a bar for a drink then fell into a very deep conversation where Eden happens to ignore Angie’s calls and both Adam and Juliet knows it. I will stop my story here for a while. You know what Angie will do to check Eden. What would she do?? Of course, calling one of the other two. So who you think she will call?? Adam or Juliet?? Both of their phones are available.

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Put aside your answer. The story here said, Angie send message to Adam saying Eden is an asshole, not picking up her call and ask Adam for help. Despite of the fact that his boyfriend himself ignoring Angie, Adam started to text her. Very simple conversation as follows:

ANGIE” Hey Adam, Is Eden with you?? That asshole is ignoring me!

ADAM” Yeah! we are in serious conversation. We are talking about _____.

ANGIE” Okie! you know he always ignore me like that blah blah blah…..

ADAM” He means no harm. Just talking. Doing nothing.

_________ Going on

Then, when they got back, Juliet found out about their text conversation and she started to complaint that Adam shouldn’t have that conversation and instead should have informed Eden about Angie’s concerns. However, Adam argues that they were just having a normal conversation that Juliet can read through. He said he doesn’t care. Juliet stop engaging further conversation.

In this example, do you think Adam is trying for motivator or hygiene factor for Juliet. Which stage you think Juliet will be??

STAGE_1 Dissatisfaction

STAGE_2 No Dissatisfaction

STAGE_3 No Satisfaction or

STAGE_4 Satisfaction?

Don’t answer just yet. Which stage is depending on what type of girl she is?? You need to know more about her. Let this one be case one and let me take back to the start and see what she will behave if she is in Adam’s role in case two.

Let’s say Adam, Eden and Angie were co-workers before so they happen to know with Juliet who is Adam’s girlfriend. They are not so close though.

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One day, Eden happens to be out-of-town. Adam and Juliet took Angie to the bar and they started to be in a deep conversation that Angie started missing out Eden’s calls. Then Eden started to text Juliet instead of Adam who was a boy as well as his co-worker before.

Eden to Juliet: Hi Juliet! Is Angie with you? That bitch is not answering my calls.

Juliet: (LOOK at her phone, turn to Angie) and say

Juliet to Angie: Hey Angie, here, Eden has just texted me. Oh gosh! you should call him immediately. I think he is worried sick.

Angie to Juliet: Oh yeah! wait, I will call him back.

Juliet to Eden: Hey Eden, just talked with Angie. She’s gonna call you back soon. Don’t worry, we are just being in serious conversation. She is safe with us.

____ End of conversation ____

So, you might want to go back and read case one to compare case two. Now, you might see a bit about what kind of girl Juliet is. One sentence to Eden and done. So, she is a different type from Angie “cool girl” that you might say. She will surely call Angie instead of Eden if she is in reverse case one if she is the one out-of-town.

Now, you can started to answer my question. Which stage Juliet will be in the first case?? If you ask me, Adam stays in his safe zone of “I did nothing wrong” which is just a hygiene factor which will stop at “no dissatisfaction” Stage-2 or could be “no satisfaction” Stage-3. If your girlfriend is like Angie who text to a boy instead of a girl, then she might probably be able to understand you and went to the level of satisfaction if you are texting nothing wrong. For Juliet, she would prefer you told to Eden about it than keep giving attention to a woman who texted her boyfriend instead of her and is even abandoned by her own boyfriend.

So, my advice here is “Know your Girl”. “Know her Expectations” because different ones have different level of hardship to be satisfied.

“Get off your safe zone of I am doing nothing wrong” and “put yourselves up for challenges to meet your girl’s satisfactory level”.

Why I am telling you “Know your girl” is because most of the guys have ex-guilt attention. Let’s say you broke up with a girl for not answering her calls for weeks. Then three months later, you dated a girl and you carefully trying to answer her calls but she compliant that she was always the one to call and not him. Well, certain thing can be motivator for one girl but happen to be just hygiene factor for the other. So, guys, rather than giving her the “ex-guilt attention”, trying to know her and see what will be her expectations even before you date her. If you think you can’t handle, just don’t go because being with the wrong guy is worse than being alone.

Before you try to date a serious one, ask yourselves “Do I have what it takes to be with her?”.


Emotional Security in Relationships (Is that Faith??)

There are many factors that are important in relationship apart from love. Some like smart, some like beauty, some look for tall, some look for sexy, some look for rich, some look for honesty. No matter how much qualities you set in your mind to imagine your other half will be, there is always one thing that you as individual can’t live without in relationship. That one thing will not be the same for everyone.

If someone ask me what is your that one factor thing out of your whole list, then I will say “my Emotional Security”.


Normally, people confused the word “Faithful” with “Emotional Security”. In fact, “Faith” is just one of the key components that can build up “Emotional Security”. I thought I was the only one who understands it until I found someone else (don’t want to mention who). Then, I started to realise as long as you can treat someone as your one and only, this one will come along.

But to clarify it in details, “Emotional Security” in my meaning composed of “Faith, Behave, Generous and above all Special”.

Faith – simple logic of “what mine is mine and what yours is yours!” No need to explain much.

Behave – This one needs a little bit more in details:

No matter how beautiful or handsome you are, there always is someone who seems to be better for a second.

I have been living in a single life for 20-years before I got into relationship. When I was single, I found many guys who has a girlfriend with them beside but trying to sneak a peak sometimes even if I knew their girlfriend. Of course, I can distinguish the normal look and the flirtatious look and I believe many people can. Normally, that girl will feel really great because it somehow indicates the logic: “I am better than your girlfriend, am I??”. For me, I always feel angry to those boys and perhaps it’s also the reason behind my fear of relationship as well when I was young.

But when I get older, I realise, looking the beautiful piece of art is not a sin and it’s not like he is not faithful, Many people do it although I don’t (well I do socialise with people but I always try my best to behave my eyes) :P. I came to realise that’s the natural process. So, I let the other person to look what he wanted to look without interfering although I knew every time they tried (pls, I have been in the position of other girl long enough).

At one time, to one person, I presented a hypothesis. “Look, I am telling you this not because I am too jealous, but I don’t really want to look like I am not as good as that one. So, if you want to give a peak fine. Just help me by pretending I am not your girlfriend as long as she is around here! That would help me save my face at least! Well, if you think I at least deserve it. Same thing with chatting. I never check your Facebook or chat box but make sure your girl-friend who you flirting with is not in my friend list. :)”. You know what, from that time on, that one behave like I have never expected from a man, until we broke up. Well, at least I appreciate the value that he gave me that time.

So, “behave” basically means you behave not because you’re afraid of your girlfriend. You “behave” either because you can’t give attention to any other girls when your loved one is with you (which might not be easy to find one) or you value your girlfriend and don’t want her to feel unsafe or feel lesser than any girls.

Behaving is sometimes relating to maturity as well. There always are a lot of differences between dating a boy and a man.

One of them could be seeking attention.

It’s actually a part of nature that:
A girl wants attention from the boys.
A boy wants attention from the girls.

A woman wants her man’s attention.
A man wants his woman’s attention.

I have seen those men who can behave with or without their girlfriend bcoz they are too old to long for others’ attention and they are just busy doing their own thing even if they are playing games. They prefer to have their own things going on most of time than seeking other girls’ attention.

I have seen those who behave like cats in front of their girls and went wild if they are not around and in worst case, they may even seek for attention with a sneak peak to other girl by sitting next to his gf.

I think it has to do with their maturity state.

So, if you want to see whether your man is already mature or not, this could be one of the measurements. Trying very hard to behave or the behave comes naturally depends on their maturity.

In fact, maturity doesn’t go with age. Two males with the same age but one can be a boy and the other can be a man.

Generous – Don’t get me wrong!! I don’t mean to say I like generous. I don’t like generous prince charming. Generous here means being generous to your girlfriend. I have seen a lot of generous princes charming who are generous to everyone. Let say, you have a boyfriend who always opens the door when you got out from car. But he is doing that to his best girl-friends as well. Well, if this is the case, I will say “no thanks, I just want to be your best girl-friend rather than girlfriend”. Friendship is a lot easier to maintain longer term than a relationship so what is the point of trying for a hard one which is relationship while you can get the same opportunity for being just a friend. That’s why many girls like gang stars because they probably might not good even care about girls but at least treat better to their girls. I have seen those gentlemen who just look too generous to every women by worrying this worrying that. I would go for a bad one than a gentleman if this is the case. I prefer to have a clear cut line between my guy friends and my boyfriend which I consider as a part of emotional security.

Special – Treating as one and only. This comes with love of course. I have seen those people who can do above factors easily and automatically like they don’t even have to try.

EMOJOn contrast, sometimes we came to a point where we start to love the other very dearly, stop caring about what we need in relationship. However, even if we are in that deep in love, we might not be expecting it as long-term as long as your one significant need couldn’t be fulfilled. That’s where you can become someone who is in love without expectation. Good thing about being that person is “you can stop if you want”.